los angeles is a cobb salad of people! you’ve got your hard-boiled eggs, your bacon bits, your lettuce, your bugs on the lettuce, your ham cubes, your whatever elses…all working together to get half-eaten, then wrapped to take home and left to go off in the fridge! and they all wear shiny shirts, even when when it’s hot.

in today’s celebrity “sightings”: guich koock, conrad janis, a landers sister, gallagher 2, jenny agutter, na from sha na na, french stewart, geraldine, idi amin, tanya tucker, tommy tutone, tiny tim, travis tritt, terry-thomas, tom t. hall, patton oswalt, genevieve bujold jr., jay north, george jetson, the matchbox 20 guy, robert “butts in line at pinks” guillaume, michael cera, charlyne yi.

(actually, it was ben “butts in line at pinks” vereen — ed.)

(MORE AFTER THE JUMP, WHICH IS THIS, I GUESS.)

APRIL 22
• marina music, a tiny guitar shop in culver city (centinela and culver). the place was crawling with filmy types filming a film. suddenly there’s a squeaky voice yelling, “blaine! blaine capatch!” i looked over to see MICHAEL CERA (the guy from those trailers). i thought, a. i don’t know michael cera, and b. why is his voice so squeaky? then i saw CHARLYNE YI’S head. she was jumping up and down behind a stack of amps. i think they were shooting a quiznos ad or something. michael cera looks much older, fatter, blacker, and a woman than he does in people magazine. i would have taken a picture, but i sat on my phone wrong and the battery froze.

APRIL 22 1/2
• i was at that place and i saw that guy from that movie where the dude and his bros pulled that heist and it backfired and shit. that shit was fucked up! it was totally him, too. i said “dude!” and he looked. he was with that chick from that show. she got all mad when i asked her to sign my dick. what a bitch!

APRIL 23
• rat-tat-tooey’s PATTON “QUINCH” OSWALT dressed like wonder woman and rolling dudes at golden apple for supergrass tix. he’s had more tits installed. gotta say it…FAKE! lose the spray tan, too.