finally, i can sit down and answer some of my email. better do it fast, before my computer battery makes my hand too hot!

Q: hey, blaine! am i spelling that right? “blaine”?
A: you sure are!

Q: dude, you suck. why are you so not funny?
A: because i had an accident as a child that rendered me funnyless, THANKS.

Q: i have a friend that kinda looks like you. what should i do?
A: kill him. there can be only one. ow! i pulled my larynx trying to do a christopher lambert impression!

Q: dude, i’m sorry about saying you suck. i didn’t know you had an accident that made you funnyless.
A: yeah, well, i did.

Q: knock knock!
A: sorry, no unsolicited material.

Q: are you appearing anywhere TONIGHT, MONDAY, APRIL 28?
A: yeah! i’m hosting the TIGER LILY comedy show at cuba libre, which used to be tiger lily, which used to be the hollywood hills cafe, which used to be michael’s, which used to be pedro’s, which used to be an ancient indian burial ground, which used to be an arby’s. and it’s free!

A: hey, i’m sorry i snapped at you earlier.
Q: who, me?
A: yeah. i get a little sensitive when i talk about…about the accident.
Q: it’s okay. your marmaduke joke was funny.
A: aw, thanks.

Q: have you ever met reba mcentire?
A: nope. sorry.
Q: how about that alan alda? have you ever met him? and i have a follow-up.
A: no, sorry, i haven’t met him either. your follow-up?
Q: why haven’t you met them?
A: i just haven’t.

Q: isn’t your hand getting pretty hot?
A: it sure is!

whew! now i can drag all that shit to my trash and free up some space. thanks for reading!