UNDERSTANDING GOLDFISH
The goldfish, contrary to popular belief, is not a fish at all. It is a mammal…MADE OF GOLD.
Goldfish are native to water, and can often be found there. They can breathe underwater with the help of special organs called lungs, which convert the food to oxygen, which the fish then drinks.
The goldfish swims using a means of locomotion called “swimming” or “fishing”, from the Latin fisho swimmo. This “swimming” greatly assists the fish in moving from place to place. However, if a goldfish were to swim out of the water, it would immediately evolve into a dog- or cat-fish.
Goldfish are quite easy to breed. Simply chop the goldfish in half with an axe or a deft judo chop, and each piece will grow into a complete goldfish. The more pieces you chop the fish into, the more fish you will have! This bunch of fish is called a “school” or “bunch” of fish.
The goldfish has no eyelids, and will creep you out with its constant staring… staring… staring. Why won’t it stop? What does it want? Why is it staring at me? Why, because it wants eyelids! You can help by placing electrical tape over the fish’s eyes so it can get some sleep. Otherwise, it will die of exhaustion and become a tasty snack known as a fish sandwich.
Remember, if your fish dies, do not flush it down the toilet, or it will turn into a giant alligator that will eat Jan-Michael Vincent.